Rush - 1 child dies every 3 days in FRANCE

[Flytox]

These people as you described them, it is not so much a rare case, isolated. We all know more or less in the family, neighborhood, work ... The "dominant" massacre / mine from within his offspring / spouse who lose somewhere their "social" landmarks, their right to exist .... .

Those "outside" the family do not usually know how to find a way to find a place in this rotten context. By force, the vacuum is created around them. The ground is set for it to worsen and lead to physical violence ....

In short, how to put in its place a toxic and arrogant individual who destroys his entourage ????? Those I knew were not models of intelligence and little able to listen ... can be a way for them to take revenge for their own mediocrity?

[Christine]

Quite Flytox, this is unfortunately not a rare case and the "chain" of events is quite predictable.

In short, how to put in its place a toxic and arrogant individual who destroys his entourage ????? Those I knew were not models of intelligence and little able to listen ... can be a way for them to take revenge for their own mediocrity?

This is why I said above that it is not "reason" (in the sense of discussion between reasonable beings) which makes it possible to improve these situations of violence.

But what to do?
-Prevent the police force? There is no offense, let alone demonstrable (it is already difficult to be able when there are traces of blow or rape, so when it is just verbal ...)
-Prevent social organizations? In the example that you quoted, a strong presumption from nursery assistants who cotmont the victim every day, we can see that they need more ...
- Encourage the victims to leave their executioner? As you pointed out, they are often dependent on him (how many times have I heard "what would I do if I left him? I have no money, no friends, my family does? would like because I would give them a bad reputation ")
- Alert the neighbors, the entourage? Let's be honest, the answer is usually "I don't want any trouble, it's none of my business"

[chatelot16]

I also think that there is a moment when this type of exchange is no longer possible. If you see a guy beating his wife or kids, you have to call the cops and that's it. It may be radical but it's my way of seeing things.

it is not so easy! the cops have much less means to deal with this than to harass motorists on the pretext of road safety ...

they generally refuse to move as long as the violence is not serious enough, and when they move they often act so clumsy that it aggravates the problems: after seeing the damage we say next time I will not call them because it is better to do nothing than to do something that aggravates the situation

[Did67]

Yes, excellent question. No answer.

As a manager of an establishment where spend about 380 young people, I am sometimes confronted with that!

1) Do not blame social services; if you knew how many cases they manage every day ...

After that, it refers to a question that I often ask here: we would all like there to be more doctors, nurses, social workers, people to look after older staff ... And at the same time we rattle against taxes, charges ...

It would be essential one day to question ourselves on the meaning of our society (see my first contribution): all the wealth that we produce (even in times of crisis!), What is it used for? Still more iPhones? Or always more "well-being" ??? A choice. The one we collectively make dismays me ...

That's why I'm talking about agitation (disordered movements without meaning!)

2) And then, at the same time, we can all do something: do not honk the agitator that cuts you off the road ... Maybe he is under pressure from his boss ... Maybe this coup de horn (which is only the signature of our ego!) Will it ennerver a little more? Maybe this excitement will overflow his children or his wife, once arrived at home?

I try to make time for those I work with. I say that, and I'm off work for "burn out" ...

But everyone could find their contribution to a less violent world. If we really wanted to build a more beautiful world! (without having the naivety to think of getting there - I said "contribution"!).

[Flytox]

Yes, excellent question. No answer.

I try to make time for those I work with. I say that, and I'm off work for "burn out" ...

But everyone could find their contribution to a less violent world. If we really wanted to build a more beautiful world! (without having the naivety to think of getting there - I said "contribution"!).

I imagined a possible means of action, it is to really make all the "victims" and the executioner of the same family aware, for example, at the same time of the extent / danger of this moral harassment and or physical. The to persuade that there is nothing trivial and normal ... and that the "monster" it's not them but the accusing executioner. Create a united defense against something true monster.

The way ?, a well-felt mail to the people concerned. If he does not start the war, he may bring an awareness, a first step towards a solution.

[C moa]

Yes, but how to act concretely?
2) an example lived: I was invited to lunch in a family, everything is fine when suddenly the father, for no apparent reason, verbally attacks his wife in front of the children (young adults) and me:
- gnagnagna, and then it's your fault, you've seen how you're raising your children, if at least you ensured, you're not able, etc.
Everyone to take a nose in his plate: visibly they are used to this aggressiveness. As no one answers, he attacks the eldest son
- you're bad, you're crazy, you're not able to find a good job because you're a wanker etc
And it continues, and it continues, and as nobody answers, he soliloquies on the policies, the Arabs, the Jews ...

So, no physical violence but incredible verbal aggression: the complete decay of family life and the negative cramming of children.
I am shocked, I know it exceeds the limits, it is indeed domestic violence but what to do? I feel that talking to him about his aggressiveness, to point out to him his contradictions would only serve to return his aggressiveness against me. And then I'm under his roof, invited. What to do ? What would you do?

I did not say anything.

And I just learned that the son behaves the same way ... worse, that he has had to raise his hand on his wife ... so?

It is a concrete example but it is difficult to give "a procedure to follow" so many parameters come into play. We cannot act in the same way when it is about someone that 'we hardly know someone with whom we already have communication difficulties ....
If it is someone who has your listening in general, it is already easier (or less difficult) to approach the subject.

For example, I once saw a very good friend of mine drink a glass of cider during a pot. Nothing exceptional except that he had stopped drinking for quite a few years and that it appealed to me.

Many people around this table knew he was a former alcoholic and yet no one said anything, everyone continued to chat.
I did not say anything that night because it was difficult to intervene in front of everyone, I was more likely to go against my goals. I called him the next day telling him that I would like to talk to him because I had seen something that caused me.
We met a few hours later because he was called by my call and we explained, cold, calmly, face to face and without witnesses.
To put it simply, it was a discussion between friends, one who was worried about the other.

In your case, I do not know if your relations with them allow you this kind of discussion / approach. Maybe for the father it's too late (he may reproduce the attitude of the grandfather) but for the son, an awareness may be possible.
We have to succeed in making him understand that he is reproducing a schema that has made him suffer all his life, that he has not been happy in this system and that he has the means to break this schema. so that his son does not reproduce it when his turn comes.

On such a delicate subject, which can take time, it can also be interesting to find a neutral place, like a quiet restaurant. "Hi, I invite you, I would like to talk about something that is bothering me with you." Afterwards, it's a discussion between friends, it sounds a bit like counter psychology but if it's a first step that improves things, it may be worth it ....

As I said before, it's often easier said than done ....

[C moa]

I also think that there is a moment when this type of exchange is no longer possible. If you see a guy beating his wife or kids, you have to call the cops and that's it. It may be radical but it's my way of seeing things.

it is not so easy! the cops have much less means to deal with this than to harass motorists on the pretext of road safety ...

they generally refuse to move as long as the violence is not serious enough, and when they move they often act so clumsy that it aggravates the problems: after seeing the damage we say next time I will not call them because it is better to do nothing than to do something that aggravates the situation

I want to believe that they are not all first class but if in cases of violence, we do not call the blues what do we do ?? Intervene ?? it's not necessarily the solution either ....

If we stay idle, isn't the risk that one day we call the morgue saying "I knew but I did nothing" ??

[C moa]

After that, it refers to a question that I often ask here: we would all like there to be more doctors, nurses, social workers, people to look after older staff ... And at the same time we rattle against taxes, charges ...

Very interesting and very important debate indeed unfortunately, we can see through the last Europeans that the most mobilized (28% for the UMP but with more than 60% of abstention, that relativizes the "victory") are not necessarily motivated to go in a more just direction.

Personally, I am convinced that one could do better without having to pay more taxes (direct or indirect). Just look at the few reports or read the few articles that are written every year about the unnecessary expenses of the state or of this or that commune or community of communes. This is each time in Millions of €.

[chatelot16]

that's a risk I had when he refused to go on several occasions because he did not think it was serious enough

another time they moved because in the same history of violence there was damage to a vehicle: but it did not help for the substance of the problem that continued

I had to intervene by force to avoid the worst

if I see again the same thing I may not do anything at all

[chatelot16]

here is a way to make them move
https://www.econologie.com/forums/humour-t1191-2350.html